My best friend popped into my chat box hysterical. I truly thought that she was suicidal. I felt so impotent. I'm over 3,000 miles away from her. If she was going to do something stupid, there wouldn't have been a damn thing I could have done about it. Then she told me what was wrong.
She'd caught her man pleasuring himself with the help of a little Internet porn. She took it as a personal attack against her ability to satisfy him. I fell out. She could not be serious. She was yelling and screaming because he was jerking off! I couldn't wrap my mind around that one. This woman is so beautiful I used to feel invisible walking next to her. Yet, she was the one with all these insecurities that I'm sure were based in her imagination. It never occurred to her that he might just want an uncomplicated orgasm. That he might just enjoy touching himself. There had to be something wrong with her, for him to do this madness.But then I began to really think about it. How many woman really see themselves as sexual beings? How many of us take the time to learn to pleasure ourselves or know how to articulate our desires? How many of us bring our fantasies to our sexual partners and give them life? How many of us secretly think our darkest desires are somehow perverse? I image way to many.
Which got me to where I am now, rambling into this computer. What if, what I do is not so much corrupting upstanding citizens, but educating them? What if, through one of my tales a husband will try something that brings a spark back to a dying space? What if, my stories give a new mother comfort and pleasure, when her husband is away providing for his family? What if, someone single reads a line that causes her to leave a jerk alone and wait for a good guy to come along? What if, a woman embraces her sexual preferences as good and normal because of me?
I may write the great American novel. May dabble into genre I haven't even thought of yet. But for now I am Portia de Moncur, writer of erotic romance...and I'm embracing that a little more every day.
FIST IN THE AIR! Too many women are indoctrinated to believe that enjoying sexual pleasure is wrong...and I suspect history has a lot to do with that. In the US context it has only been recently where women's sexuality stopped being 'owned' by a male be it the male head of household or her husband or her slavemaster. Sex under those circumstances probably was a duty, an obligation, or a dreaded act for many women. ANd it was to the benefit of men to keep it that way because they could control women not wanting to seek sex with other men and they could be lazy in bed and not have their women be aware of their lack of prowess.
ReplyDeleteWith reliable contraception, access to education and suffrage, women have learned to love their bodies and find men who also love their bodies.
BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wow just wow and look at you over here telling me you are a newbie, girl shut you mouth! i can't wait to pick up something you've written and I hope my big sisters above (owners of btp) get you over to our joint super soon!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments, Ladies. I don't usually post more than one a week, but this issue has been heavy on my mind for a minute. I love being a woman, and I truly desire that my self-love seeps into every story I ever write. Thanks for your kind words. Knowing that someone is rooting for my success is really nice.
ReplyDeleteIf I've said it once I've said it a million times-being a sexual being is not "dirty" or "shameful". It is so exciting to know there are women like you stepping to the front of the group, plopping down your soap box, and getting the word out.
ReplyDeleteThat was deep and beautiful. I cannot wait to read your stuff. I felt that down deep. I look forward to reading more from you, Portia. Never, ever let some modern notion of morality stop you from setting your soul free.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. It was very deep and your right women were taught in the early 1800's that sexual pleasure was a disease. I wrote a story with a heroine that had female hysteria and how physicians were assigned to females to massage the clitoris to alleviate poisonous female semen causing disturbing behavior and violent outbursts. Thankfully that was also when the first vibrator was made, so that they didn't have to go house to house :) Since then sexuality hasn't really been widely acceptable and women aren't used to vocalizing their physical needs. Masturbation is important in knowing your own body if you don't how else are you going to show someone how to please you? Great post I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely brilliant -- and a wonderful reason to keep putting word to page. Well said.
ReplyDeletePortia, Portia. I totally feel you.I still feel a bit awkward about my erotic romance writing. My cousin is sort of like my beta reader and I was mortified to let her read my work. My family have no idea what I write. My mother thought I wrote children stories, lmao. But you know whatthis is what I like to write and what inspires, if it does the same with you then give it your all. This is how success comes, and I am soooo rooting for you to publish your work.
ReplyDeleteEmbrassing personal power is about loving all aspects of yourself. A woman is a complicated creature with complicated desires. Being sexual and loving sex is about understanding your desires. Once we as women embrace our entire selves we will be a step closer to a love relationship with our bodies.
ReplyDeletePortia, thank God you do what you do and write what you write! Never doubt your worth or need. :)
ReplyDeletePortia, I hope your friend has survived what she witnessed that day and their relationship is stronger for it. When people ask me about why I write not just romance, but erotic romance, I remind them that God made us sexual beings. Unique and individual, what arouses and satisfies one of us doesn't accomplish the same for another. And that is what makes the world so fascinating. My last name really is Church and I volunteer heavily in my parish. I lector. I fund raise...and people know I write romances..and I sell them to my good church-loving friends, because I have this God-given gift to entertain people. Thanks for the link here.
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