Friday, November 19, 2010
My best friend popped into my chat box hysterical. I truly thought that she was suicidal. I felt so impotent. I'm over 3,000 miles away from her. If she was going to do something stupid, there wouldn't have been a damn thing I could have done about it. Then she told me what was wrong.
She'd caught her man pleasuring himself with the help of a little Internet porn. She took it as a personal attack against her ability to satisfy him. I fell out. She could not be serious. She was yelling and screaming because he was jerking off! I couldn't wrap my mind around that one. This woman is so beautiful I used to feel invisible walking next to her. Yet, she was the one with all these insecurities that I'm sure were based in her imagination. It never occurred to her that he might just want an uncomplicated orgasm. That he might just enjoy touching himself. There had to be something wrong with her, for him to do this madness.
But then I began to really think about it. How many woman really see themselves as sexual beings? How many of us take the time to learn to pleasure ourselves or know how to articulate our desires? How many of us bring our fantasies to our sexual partners and give them life? How many of us secretly think our darkest desires are somehow perverse? I image way to many.
Which got me to where I am now, rambling into this computer. What if, what I do is not so much corrupting upstanding citizens, but educating them? What if, through one of my tales a husband will try something that brings a spark back to a dying space? What if, my stories give a new mother comfort and pleasure, when her husband is away providing for his family? What if, someone single reads a line that causes her to leave a jerk alone and wait for a good guy to come along? What if, a woman embraces her sexual preferences as good and normal because of me?
I may write the great American novel. May dabble into genre I haven't even thought of yet. But for now I am Portia de Moncur, writer of erotic romance...and I'm embracing that a little more every day.